Identity crisis

To the girl who’s “just married” ,

February 3rd marked 4 months of marriage for Taylor and me. I can honestly say marriage has gone above and beyond all of my expectations. I consider that nothing short of a blessing from God. I’m often asked “How’s marriage?” and I nearly always get a big smile on my face and reply, “oh my, just a dream!” because I honestly feel that way. But what has been hard is something I wasn’t prepared for. I went from a single girl, to going on dates, then a girlfriend, soon a fiancé, shortly a bride and now a wife. Exactly what I want to be. But in those past seasons it was easy for me to put my identity in who I was in those seasons, whether I was the fun single girl who could plan killer girls nights (I’m still capable of that) or I was the girl getting taken on the sweetest dates, then I was the fiancé constantly going to showers every weekend, to wedding day where you never feel more like a princess, to now a wife where we get in bed at 8:00 and watch a movie if we want or I stay at home and clean and cook because I enjoy taking care of those things in our home. Don’t get me wrong, being Taylor’s wife is exactly what I want to be. The fact that I get to cook dinner for Taylor and get excited for him to come everyday is part of what makes marriage a dream. But, being a wife is not who I am. Putting my identity in what I do as a 23 year old wife who sometimes stays home and cleans or sometimes makes dinners that don’t taste very good is sure not going to make me feel worth much. Even if I allowed it to, when I become a pro at a clean house and that’s what my identity is in, when kids comes along I’m sure not going to be a very fun mom if I’m constantly worried about the cleanliness of my house. There’s a reason The Lord says to find our identity in Him. It’s where we find rest! Because you know who I am in Him? I’m the daughter of a King who died to know me. WHAT. Me? How? It’s true. I can let go of what I do being who I am. Any of the identity I found in myself in those past seasons has never come close to being who I am in my Jesus. I don’t write this because I’m a pro at believing it, I write it because it’s a daily struggle. I know the truth and I’m hoping to remind myself of it more often, Taylor is great at showing me truth also. So “just married” girl, I’m with you. It’s hard to sometimes be the only married friend who doesn’t have exciting first kiss stories and the most exciting thing that happened to you last week was that your dinner turned out, or it’s hard to turn down going to eat every weekend because you now live that budget life, but I know for me, getting to be Mrs. Kidwell is right where I want to be.


3 thoughts on “Identity crisis

  1. I can totally relate with this…. even in a different season of life as a new mom who is living that budget life on top of rarely getting to do “stuff” outside of the home because – baby. So thankful that our identity in Christ doesn’t change, even when our lives get swept up in different seasons.
    Thanks for sharing, girl!

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